It’s been said that your level of expectation has an inverse, yet very accurate effect on your level of serenity.  Some people have taken this beautiful concept and totally fucked it up.  They take it to mean if you expect shit, at least you won’t be disappointed when you get shit.  What actually happens though when you expect shit, is you get shit, because you pick shit out of the ether to show up in your life.  You don’t see the beauty so you pass it by like it never even existed, when really it’s been all around you all along. 

Keeping expectations low doesn’t mean expect poor things to happen, it means expect nothing and handle everything.  The more you’re focused on what you should be getting, the less able you are to handle what’s actually on your plate.  When you can’t handle what’s on your plate it feels like it’s too much, even if it’s only a little.  It’s like putting a full plate of food in front of somebody who’s starving versus putting a tiny bit of food in front of somebody who’s stuffed to the rafters.  You get the point right?

Trust yourself to be able to handle life as it happens and when the going gets rough, get going.  Make a move. If your thoughts are the problem, the action MUST be the solution.  Einstein said that the same mind that created the problem can’t be the same one to fix it.  The problems of the world will not be solved by the world.  The problems that YOU have manufactured to feel interesting or have something to do, will not be solved by the same brain that created them. They can, however, be turned around by some right action. We all know what this is, yet we seldom engage in it because we think that will render us useless or boring.  Little do you realize how quickly life will bring you problems to solve all by itself without you creating your own.  The world is unpredictable though, and it brings different problems all the time, and that is why we’re attracted to creating issues to deal with that are, at the very least, familiar.

With this style of living, it’s easy to feel victimized and that we’re not getting our fair share of freedom to live how we want.  I heard a woman say recently “Live as good as you can, but don’t expect everything to always be easy just because you’re doing the right thing.  And when you find yourself in a pit, don’t decorate it.  Ask for a ladder.”

Ask for a ladder.  And use it. 

Self loathing is not unique to alcoholics.  It’s something anybody with an ego suffers from.  For me it sprang from never getting exactly what I needed when I was a child.  In my parents defense, I was insatiable in every sense of the word.  

But the truth is, when I did something bad I got yelled at, and when I did something good, it went unnoticed.  I grew up and began treating myself the same way.  I’ve never been one to respond to negative reinforcement, so why did I carry that into adulthood?

Because I never re-parented myself.  If we are to be healthy, we need to ween ourself off the emotional teet of our parents and start giving ourselves what we need.

As somebody in recovery though, I need to watch for the ever inflating ego.  If unchecked, it can be disastrous.  So here’s what I do now and here’s what I used to do.

I used to keep myself sick on purpose so that I’d always have something to work on.  I knew drugs and alcohol would kill me, but I figured as long as I was acting out on character defects like lust, gluttony, self centered fear, etc., I would remain imperfect and I would always have something to remind me that I can never drink safely again.

I’m here to tell you, that without your help, your human nature will always keep you imperfect. But that’s no reason to keep yourself sick on purpose.  I’ve learned that since perfection is unattainable, I can trudge ahead and charge at it as long and as hard as I want, and I’ll never reach it.  And if I ever do reach it, try and be perfect for two seconds in a row.  The point is, imperfection is involuntary, so let growth be voluntary. There’s no need to hold yourself stagnant to reduce liability.  

As a matter of fact, the more I retard my growth, the more of a liability it is.  

Step into your greatness, today.

I know that ego inflation is something we need to watch for, but I was told the most wonderful thing a couple of years ago.  I can become as great as I possibly can, as long as I realize that it’s through the empowerment of my higher power AND the people around me.  Of myself, I am nothing, literally.

It’s always the same shit.  Every time you read a self help book, a piece of spiritual literature, or check up on ancient principles and philosophies.  It’s all the same shit. 

But why are you waiting for an inanimate object to change?  There is no such thing as an original thought anymore and there hasn’t for quite some time.  Everything is a derivative of something, if not a duplicate. 

The impetus is on you to be disciplined enough to continue searching within the proven way of living that brings the majority joy.  Keep reading the same thing over and over again every day.  It’s up to YOU to change by the next time you read it.  I’ve read certain books hundreds of times and I get something different out of them every time.

It’s shocking to realize how much you miss. Take that and multiply it by a million and then you will get a glimpse of how much you’re missing in life in general.  You’re hit with billions of stimuli a day.  How many instances do you remember from yesterday?  Or an hour ago? Exactly.

On a side note, recovery is not a self help program.  It’s a help others program.  I think some self help programs could benefit from adopting that attitude.

Your main function in this life is not to avoid pain.  It’s not to run towards it either.  Your main purpose is to rouse yourself up to the task of peeling the ever expanding onion.  When you do this, and do it with a vengeance, you show those around you that it is possible to be hard on yourself and easy on others. 

Some people, the wrong people, will be intimidated by the constant attention you pay to your own conscience. They’ll be annoyed by the lengths you go to to honor your own moral code.  The path we choose is narrow to begin with, but it gets much narrower as time goes on.  I’ve learned though that there is very little traffic on the extra mile.  The road less traveled may be a little bit rougher than the beaten path, but it’s easy to get caught up in the crowd on the latter.  On the road less traveled you may misstep here and there on a rock or root, but first off, nobody will be around to see you so you won’t be embarrassed.  Second, you’ll have the time to figure out where you went wrong since you’re not getting pushed forward at an uncomfortable rate by the flow of people.  

When you familiarize yourself with the road less traveled, the progress you make will shock those around you and take you to a place you would have never known had you not had the bravery to take that leap in the first place.

To avoid pain is to deprive yourself of one of life’s greatest pleasures; the bounce back.  For every action  there is an equal and opposite reaction.  However far down you feel you are right now, you can get through it by knowing that there have never been truer words than “this too shall pass”.

However, when things go right, you can remind yourself that there doesn’t have to be an inevitable crash by assuring yourself “this too shall last”.